Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

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[favoritefearlesshero]

[When the camera comes on, Puss is absolutely COVERED in Puss in Boots merch: plush, figures, lunchboxes, costume pieces, birthday decorations...If he wasn't laughing, you might not be able to pick out the cat from the stuff.]

You weren't wrong, amigo!

[When he emerges, he's wearing a tiny version of this shirt. He digs in the pile, keeping his eyes on the camera.]

I mean, some of it's a little...eh, rough around the edges, but what bambino wouldn't want their own Puss in Boots to keep them safe at night!

[The plush he grabs isn't one of Puss. It's one of a different cat. Puss doesn't realize right away, gesturing towards it, glancing at it, realizing his mistake, and then sheepishly hiding the plush behind his back.]

Uh! Haha, whoops! How'd, uh, how'd that get there?

[branchifer]

[Branch isn't an idiot.]

[He's not a desperate enough person to want one of the Poppy toys anywhere near him because it's extra weird and creepy when they're his size and larger, and also they have weird cold dead eyes, but he does very much wish he could hug her right now. He gets the impulse.]

[But he absolutely opts to be a jerk about it.]

Wow, that sure looked like, I don't know, some kind of other bipedal cat person. Total stranger, huh? Or just a friend, maybe?

[He says smugly, like someone who doesn't have a minefield of Poppy-based ammunition that can be used against him sitting around the Pole, just waiting to accidentally come into shot at any time.]

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[ninjavampire]

You'll get used to that. What never stops feeling strange is when the Cultists start dressing up like you.

[ Miguel knows what having a weird semi-religious Following is like. He is NOT looking up his fandom. ]

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[branchifer]

[He googles "cultists." He's so glad someone showed him how to look up information and that he's enough of a cynical skeptic to keen oe some of what he finds in searches is made up nonsense, at least enough to ask someone. This seems real, though.]

[Wow, super depressing. Way to bring down the mood, Miguel.]

What is with your life, man?

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[lowercase_el]

Yeah, having cults based on you is weird.

[Cults. Plural.]

I mean for me, the second cult was based on my cousin and I just kinda kicked the hornet's nest a bit by showing up in the future and wearing the costume, but still.

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[bestbrotherever]

Now that is a level of devotion that is novel.

[mostdangerousbird]

There's a shocking amount, really. I don't know how to feel about most of them, but I'll share a few of the more inexplicable because if people are looking through what's available, they'll find it anyway. Might as well rip off the band-aid.

[ Tim holds up a few folded t-shirts, with a slogan or a chibi. ]

A lot of stickers, apparently, and pins. Action figures, but that makes more sense. Then there's the plushies like this.

[ He holds up the bearand looks at it like it might explode. ]

I can't tell you how unnerved this makes me by its very existence and how much I want to rip it apart for a bomb.

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[branchifer]

Okay, what is with your life?

[He says after asking Miguel the same question.]

Why would you think a doll would have a bomb in it?

[Does he have more reasons to be concerned beyond Tim's nonchalance about kidnapping and how nice Branch's was?]

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[bestbrotherever]

[Loki's confused for a moment, until it clicks into place. Then he's very serious.]

You believe the Joker would use such a weapon?

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[boldboimler]

[Boimler has found some merch and there's some novelty in it. Little statuettes and some figures. Very cartoony but apparently that the style of the media he's from. He's absolutely going to ask the yetis if he can have one as a souvenir.]

[It's the internet search he does in curiosity and link-hopping over some social media tags that fascinates him.]

Wow, fun fact, apparently people in this world write fiction and draw art about us, too.

Search for yourselves with the word "Fanfiction."

[He reads some summaries. They are privy to his face journey as he reads on the same comm he's recording on, from curiosity to dawning understanding to tilting his head like a confused bird.]

And it's...it's weird. Some of it's pretty weird.

[He's a 24th century person from a sexually liberated future stationed on one of the horniest ships in the fleet (they've actually done social makeup statistics up on this), so he's not really too shocked to find what human beings have been writing fiction about. Plenty of people play erotic holonovels, and there are definitely legal issues at times around likenesses being used, sometimes of real people, not even fictional characters. There absolutely are ones on fictional characters, as well, sometimes knock offs of popular holonovels.]

[Buuuut while he's not shocked to learn that humanity is apparently being as human (aka horny) as ever, he knows some of the others might be.]

On second thought, uuh, some of you might not want to search for yourselves. You know, just could be a little awkward? In some ways? Right?

[mostdangerousbird]

PSA: Do not search for your name or nom de guerre and fanfiction. If you're familiar with fan-creations from your own world, I can assure you that it will exist here and you'll probably be in it.

You were likely already in it if you were famous in some way back home. The acronym RPF exists for a reason.

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[demonicmiracle]

that's it i'm going back in time to make sure eve never eats that damn apple

[He's too horrified by what he's seen to remember that he's trying to be subtle.]

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[branchifer]

[Branch squints, because he's a naturally suspicious and contrary person, so being told to do something then to not do it, naturally makes him curious enough to do it.]

Okay, I don't see what's so bad about this. Half of the ones I'm in are about someone named "Broppy"? I don't even know who that i-

[He breaks off mid-sentence, realizing from context clues like listed characters that it's a portmanteau, realizes the content is romantic, and closes out the browser long before he reads enough to learn anything more than that.]

[He is luckier than some, in being able to overcome the curiosity and cut himself off instantly due to effectively having the vapors at mere mention of just romance. He will never dare google fanfic of himself again and that means never seeing the really gnarly stuff.]

Nope. Nope nope nope.

[That sure is footage of him flopping over off the building block he was sitting on, laying down on his stomach, and burying his face against the work table he's on in mortification, letting out one last muffled:]

Nope.

[Still muffled:]

They're right, don't do it.

[bestbrotherever]

I would think you would be used to it. Fanfiction is hardly as interactive as holonovels.

[forceforlight]

[Like Tim, Dick's not entirely unused to this sort of thing. After all, their world has open heroes and that, sometimes, includes licensed and unlicensed likenesses of various heroes. Action figures are about normal, and the Titans do have a legal team to deal with that sort of thing. And approve them.]

[So Dick's face is a picture before he raises a tablet so that the statue can be seen by others.]

This pose looks very uncomfortable.

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Tim’s laughing so hard he hiccups. Sorry, Dick. ]

You know, you know the joke I’m not making right now?

[ He coughs and ahems to try to tamp down the mirth. ]

Also, if that looks uncomfortable, you need to retire. What do old acrobats do?

[composinghistory]

I cannot believe all of these things are about Geralt!

I am famous! Renowned across the continent! I've performed for royalty! I singlehandedly saved that man's reputation and this is what I get for it? My face should be on shirts and posters twice as much as his!

Over a decade of my life and all I get is a few shirts and a doll?

I've never been so offended in my life!

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[demonicmiracle]

[Sorry Jaskier but this is funny actually.]

Seems that you should have gone into Witcher-ing instead of being a bard.

[He is absolutely just teasing for the sake of it. Why is he like this.]

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[demonicmiracle]

[This is all very weird.

But he's here now and is going to include a link in this message.]

How egotistical would it be to buy perfumes inspired by myself?

[millenyal_pink]

I already have a handful of my own merch in my cart.

[There are lipsticks.]

Be free, live your best life.

[nobodytossesaclone]

[Rex wants to ignore this. He really does. He can understand the dolls action figures. But this?

This?]

What is this?

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[orivodika]

looks stupid

[Shitty little brother, right on cue.]

[fromfryingpantofire]

[Sam's got something in his hands, looking a little disturbed. He holds up the strange figure for people to see.]

I can't tell if it's just soulless or actually possessed. I sure wouldn't have it anywhere nearby while trying to sleep.

[branchifer]

Try climbing up on a table and running right into one of those things at my size. [He visibly shudders.] There are tons of them here, even if they're all styled as different characters.

I wouldn't let it sleep near you. It's even got a knife.

[credit_not_blame]

There's a makeup palette based on me! I must own it immediately.

[ninjavampire]

It can’t possibly include anything you don’t already have.

[ he’s got a glimpse of the collection while getting his reindeer glow up. ]

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[bestbrotherever]

[Loki's laughing at all of you]

Mortals. So quaint. So unequipped to deal with unexpected fame.

[mostdangerousbird]

Fame’s more of a hindrance than anything else.

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[wisdomreceiver]

[Henry is confused - which, okay, he is always confused, but this time he has a good reason. He posts a picture of a nightmarish creature made of two children fused together with a cloth that walks on its two large hands.]

What the hell is this?

These things are very big and aggressive in real life.

[poor_unlucky_girl]

[Jennifer is ecstatic seeing her own statuette.]

Look! They made one of me and Brown too! I will cherish this forever!

[haircaring]

[ Panning over no less than four bespoke Steve shirts. Barely even scratching the surface of the Steve Harrington merch iceberg, and yet. ]

So this is my rep here? Huh? After everything I've had to deal with? Seriously. [ Cannot BELIEVE it's canonized. God.

He proceeds to immediately double canonize it. ]

Look, anyway, that's whatever. Fine. Listen up! I'm gonna go over this poster. [ THIS POSTER. And he does. Very carefully. ] If any of you see any of these people turn up new, you call me about it. Right? And if it's one of the kids, you can tell them Steve said not to do any dumb shit until he gets there.

[credit_not_blame]

[Squints at poster.]

Huh. Nancy does look like me. Except the hair and the fashion sense.

Also, there are worse reputations to have than "babysitter". It's an important role; nobody wants to see kids get hurt.

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[ferengineer]

On the one hand, apparently the only thing I have is a figurine that's an accessory to a toy of my dad. That's a bit disappointing.

On the other? There is so much Quark's merchandise that my uncle isn't seeing a single strip of latinum for. And that's funny.

[bestbrotherever]

Star Trek has never had all that much merchandising, and your series was the black sheep.

Do you plan to do anything to prepare your uncle to jump right into business should he arrive?