Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Comments

text

[haircaring]

[ LONG-ASS PAUSE.

Then: ]

i wanna get access to a lawyer but i don't think it looks enough like me to have a case

[millenyal_pink]

i think you'll have to put on the sailor outfit to be sure

[Is she flirting? Is she just teasing? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

[haircaring]

yeah no. my sailing days are behind me since the mall burned down. no job, no uniform.

[ The gross bloody uniform. Off to be cleaned and sent to another franchise location? Probably. Not his problem tho. ]

this perv artist couldn't even pretend they like the family video vest! god forbid steve gets a job where he can wear real clothes.

[millenyal_pink]

maybe they just wanted a comforting face to look at when they fall asleep. whys it gotta be pervy?

[She says, deliberately ignoring the point.]

[haircaring]

a comforting

did we look at the same thing? that's SO pervy! half that pillow is about my ass! it's like if i had a really bad stunt double and someone was a huge fan of HIS ass!

[millenyal_pink]

idk it seem like ur the one being weird abt it :/

i thought it doesn't even look like u

[haircaring]

[ EGAD. he's been trapped! Robin would love this. ]

yeah well it DOESN'T even look like me! this is like

it's intent! the intent of it being me is there! i'm not being weird i'm being normal oh my god

[millenyal_pink]

o m g

r u jealous of the body pillow??

[She's enjoying this way too much]

[haircaring]

if the day comes when i'm jealous of a body pillow i'm gonna go live in the woods

[millenyal_pink]

as someone who once lived in a commune in the middle of the woods

that may not be as much of an escape as ur hoping

[haircaring]

it's like there's no such thing as liberties anymore. a man can't even live in the goddamn woods.

[millenyal_pink]

what has this country come to if you can't escape anime body pillows by running away to the forest?

[haircaring]

this is how the darkness takes whatever country the north pole is in. mark my words.

[millenyal_pink]

[Elle thinks about it for a moment.]

i think the north pole might be a sovereign state? like the vatican?

but it's not like it has diplomatic relations or representation in global organizations

also magic which tends to fuck with the whole thing so who knows honestly

[haircaring]

[ Steve likes texting, it's official, he's glad it's here. Because if any of that would've come after a beat to look at him like he asked a stupid question, he doesn't even have to see it.

He just gets shit he said responded to. Incredible. ]

so everyone's unofficial popes now. great.

[ hmm maybe he likes texting slightly less because it's harder to be sarcastic. ]

we're at the top of the goddamn world and still haven't hit the weirdness ceiling.

[millenyal_pink]

not even close dude

im elle! i like long walks on the beach and i turn into a giant cat monster when i get super angry

or whenever i feel like it