Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Comments

[composinghistory]

Of course you don't, which is why you let me freeze to death without company on our first night here.

[He knows this game, he's been hearing Geralt say they're "not friends" for years.]

Do you make it a habit to take loathed strangers out for drinks, then?

[demonicmiracle]

Why are my only options caring about you or loathing you? Can I not just feel mild disinterest?

[Sentences that are specifically designed to destroy Jaskier. It's obvious from the hint of a tease in Crowley's voice that he knows Jaskier would prefer to be hated than for someone to be indifferent towards him.]

[composinghistory]

[Betrayal! Betrayal of the highest order!]

Mild disin-- I am very interesting, thank you! I have lived a life of adventure and romance, not to mention my very charming personality!

[Anthony how could you do this?]

[demonicmiracle]

[Crowley laughs, because he's awful.]

Romance, hm? Is that what we're calling sleeping your way around the continent?

[The perfect defense against Jaskier is to just irritate him.]

[composinghistory]

To call it sleeping around would be deeply insulting not only to me, but to the lovers I have taken! I am offended on their behalf, that you would diminish our throes of passion to such a trite term as that. You, sir, have besmirched the honor of many a lovely man and woman across the land and I will not stand for it!

[He's getting worked up, now!]

[demonicmiracle]

[All according to keikaku.]

My apologies. [It's only audio, but there's a sense that a dramatic flourish goes with the words, from the over-the-top way he says them.] To all the notches on your bedpost.

[He's so rude!!!]

[composinghistory]

[So rude!!! He doesn't even have a bed to make notches on!]

Perhaps you would have a better temperament if you added more to your own.

[A night with his object of affection might make him less of a pain in the arse.

It's unlikely, but possible.]

[demonicmiracle]

[There are so many responses he could make to that, and a lot of them are tempting, but in the end he goes with being a flirty bastard.]

Is that an offer, darling?

[composinghistory]

Always, my dear Anthony.

[demonicmiracle]

[You know what, he should've seen that coming.]

Despite my awful temperament?

[composinghistory]

I'll consider it a sacrifice for the good of the people.

private

[demonicmiracle]

[It just occurred to him there are children involved in this post, so he's gonna make things private.]

Gosh. [Please.] Nothing makes a bloke feel special like being told that sleeping with him would be a sacrifice.

private

[composinghistory]

A sacrifice I am more than willing to make, mind you. Some heroes slay monsters with their swords, but I prefer to lay with mine.

[Not his best work, but he'll stand by it nonetheless.]

private

[demonicmiracle]

[Crowley snorts, sounding more amused than anything.]

You know, I really expected you to have better lines. I suppose a pretty face goes a long way, hm?

[Is this negging? Crowley are you negging this poor man.]

private until further notice

[composinghistory]

[If it's negging, it's absolutely working. More importantly: Anthony called him pretty!]

This face has many more talents than just looking pretty.

[There's a little lip-biting happening, just to emphasize the point.]

[demonicmiracle]

[And lo, pick up artists everywhere rejoiced.]

One would hope, what with all the practice you've been getting. Still, my feelings are a bit hurt — [It's very obvious from the tone of his voice that this is bullshit.] — and I'd hate for you to subject yourself to sleeping with a monster.

[composinghistory]

Then let me offer my sincerest apologies. If it would help, I'd be more than happy to stroke your--[Pointed pause]--ego.

[demonicmiracle]

[It takes a lot of self control not to laugh.

Instead, he clicks his tongue, sounding disappointed.]

Ah, if only they let you do that sort of thing at Santa's house.

[composinghistory]

Well, Sir Santa isn't home, is he? We hardly need to stand on ceremony for his sake.

[demonicmiracle]

[This the point where he remembers that Jaskier doesn't have a cultural reference for Santa, so it probably didn't have the right effect.

Oh well, you live and learn.]

Well, I suppose you'd best come on over then.

[Crowley, babygirl, don't try to call this bluff. That only works if the other person is actually bluffing.]

[composinghistory]

Is that a genuine offer?

[He has to ask because previously, Anthony gave a firm rejection. Jaskier has no interest in pushing where he isn't welcome.]

[demonicmiracle]

[He's being a bit of a dick, isn't he?

There's a thoughtful sound from Crowley, mostly to indicate that he's thinking and hasn't just fucked off.

After a moment:]

I don't think that'd be much fair to you. But you're always welcome to stop by for a drink.

[He has a stash of decent whiskey and wine, because of course he does.]

[composinghistory]

[Jaskier doesn't particularly care about the fairness of the matter, but he understands what Anthony's trying to say.]

I hope you know what you're offering.

[He will take him up on that. Liberally.]

[demonicmiracle]

If you empty out my liquor cabinet, I'll be more impressed than bothered.

[Is that what Jaskier meant? Maybe not, but he's choosing to interpret it that way.]

[composinghistory]

Well, that sounds like a challenge.

[Alcohol poisoning, here we come!]