Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Comments

[favoritefearlesshero]

[When the camera comes on, Puss is absolutely COVERED in Puss in Boots merch: plush, figures, lunchboxes, costume pieces, birthday decorations...If he wasn't laughing, you might not be able to pick out the cat from the stuff.]

You weren't wrong, amigo!

[When he emerges, he's wearing a tiny version of this shirt. He digs in the pile, keeping his eyes on the camera.]

I mean, some of it's a little...eh, rough around the edges, but what bambino wouldn't want their own Puss in Boots to keep them safe at night!

[The plush he grabs isn't one of Puss. It's one of a different cat. Puss doesn't realize right away, gesturing towards it, glancing at it, realizing his mistake, and then sheepishly hiding the plush behind his back.]

Uh! Haha, whoops! How'd, uh, how'd that get there?

[branchifer]

[Branch isn't an idiot.]

[He's not a desperate enough person to want one of the Poppy toys anywhere near him because it's extra weird and creepy when they're his size and larger, and also they have weird cold dead eyes, but he does very much wish he could hug her right now. He gets the impulse.]

[But he absolutely opts to be a jerk about it.]

Wow, that sure looked like, I don't know, some kind of other bipedal cat person. Total stranger, huh? Or just a friend, maybe?

[He says smugly, like someone who doesn't have a minefield of Poppy-based ammunition that can be used against him sitting around the Pole, just waiting to accidentally come into shot at any time.]

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[ninjavampire]

You'll get used to that. What never stops feeling strange is when the Cultists start dressing up like you.

[ Miguel knows what having a weird semi-religious Following is like. He is NOT looking up his fandom. ]

[mostdangerousbird]

There's a shocking amount, really. I don't know how to feel about most of them, but I'll share a few of the more inexplicable because if people are looking through what's available, they'll find it anyway. Might as well rip off the band-aid.

[ Tim holds up a few folded t-shirts, with a slogan or a chibi. ]

A lot of stickers, apparently, and pins. Action figures, but that makes more sense. Then there's the plushies like this.

[ He holds up the bearand looks at it like it might explode. ]

I can't tell you how unnerved this makes me by its very existence and how much I want to rip it apart for a bomb.

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[branchifer]

[He googles "cultists." He's so glad someone showed him how to look up information and that he's enough of a cynical skeptic to keen oe some of what he finds in searches is made up nonsense, at least enough to ask someone. This seems real, though.]

[Wow, super depressing. Way to bring down the mood, Miguel.]

What is with your life, man?

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[branchifer]

Okay, what is with your life?

[He says after asking Miguel the same question.]

Why would you think a doll would have a bomb in it?

[Does he have more reasons to be concerned beyond Tim's nonchalance about kidnapping and how nice Branch's was?]

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[lowercase_el]

Yeah, having cults based on you is weird.

[Cults. Plural.]

I mean for me, the second cult was based on my cousin and I just kinda kicked the hornet's nest a bit by showing up in the future and wearing the costume, but still.

[mostdangerousbird]

I’m beginning to appreciate that my life is inexplicable to people who aren’t used to a world of vigilantes and supervillains.

[ He squeezes the belly of the bear and turns it over in his hands. ]

I can think of six people who would preferentially put a bomb in a stuffed animal, and at least 3 more who would do it at an opportunity. And a plushie that looks like Robin? Even worse. I don't even know if I'd approach it at home. I'd just blow it up.

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[boldboimler]

[Boimler has found some merch and there's some novelty in it. Little statuettes and some figures. Very cartoony but apparently that the style of the media he's from. He's absolutely going to ask the yetis if he can have one as a souvenir.]

[It's the internet search he does in curiosity and link-hopping over some social media tags that fascinates him.]

Wow, fun fact, apparently people in this world write fiction and draw art about us, too.

Search for yourselves with the word "Fanfiction."

[He reads some summaries. They are privy to his face journey as he reads on the same comm he's recording on, from curiosity to dawning understanding to tilting his head like a confused bird.]

And it's...it's weird. Some of it's pretty weird.

[He's a 24th century person from a sexually liberated future stationed on one of the horniest ships in the fleet (they've actually done social makeup statistics up on this), so he's not really too shocked to find what human beings have been writing fiction about. Plenty of people play erotic holonovels, and there are definitely legal issues at times around likenesses being used, sometimes of real people, not even fictional characters. There absolutely are ones on fictional characters, as well, sometimes knock offs of popular holonovels.]

[Buuuut while he's not shocked to learn that humanity is apparently being as human (aka horny) as ever, he knows some of the others might be.]

On second thought, uuh, some of you might not want to search for yourselves. You know, just could be a little awkward? In some ways? Right?

[mostdangerousbird]

PSA: Do not search for your name or nom de guerre and fanfiction. If you're familiar with fan-creations from your own world, I can assure you that it will exist here and you'll probably be in it.

You were likely already in it if you were famous in some way back home. The acronym RPF exists for a reason.

[branchifer]

[There has to be some kind of insane context he's missing here.]

What's a vigilante? And a supervillain?

[He searches those.]

Oh, that all has to do with crime stuff, doesn't it? My people don't have that. The Bergens do, but we don't.

[mostdangerousbird]

You don’t have crime?

[ Really straining to contain the incredulity. He’s not saying it’s impossible; it’s just impossible. ]

I know every universe doesn’t have the sort of chronic large scale crime with a heavy dependence on a stylized M.O. crime doesn’t have to mean supervillains. Mugging, embezzling, assault. Normal people are capable of terrible things.

[branchifer]

I know assault as a word because you know, gotta have words for bodily harm when outside people do that. To you.

But I don't know what an embezzling is. Or mugging? I'm looking those up.

[He googles those.]

Oh, that has to do with stuff ownership and this...money thing? We don't have money - which I don't don't really get? To be honest? Like pieces of paper in exchange for things? What?

My village just has communal stuff. People know not to touch each other's sentimental things in their pods, like photos, but for less obvious stuff, we store the stuff we really don't want anyone else to take in our hair. Everyone knows everything else is shareable. If someone takes too much and isn't fair about it, everyone will tell them they're not being nice and they'll feel bad and replace some of it.

We learned about "stealing" from the Bergens, after we stopped being enemies. A friend of mine took food and didn't realize they don't also have communal stuff. They apparently shove people in cages over it? Su-per weird, if you ask me, but hey, shoving people in cages is kind of their thing.

[ninjavampire]

Comes with the Spider-Man territory. It’s like being the city mascot.

[ he doesn’t sound that busted up about it. Was it annoying and weird? Yes.

Has he been at this for over a decade? Yes. He’s seen much weirder. ]

[ninjavampire]

[ multiple?? That’s rough, buddy. ]

Being caught up in the adulation is bad enough.

The last thing I need is a group of guys with pipes running in to try and beat up the Vulture.

[branchifer]

[They have mascots where he's from. Because games and sports.]

Guy dancing around in a weird suit being weird.

Yeah, that sounds like you.

[A pause.]

Seriously, though, why the suit? What is it you even do? Besides blah blah universes blah blah.

[mostdangerousbird]

People know they’re not supposed to take other people’s things in my world, too. A minority just don’t care. They want more, or they want other people to have less. Or worse rationale that this isn’t really the place to discuss.

[ He has a sense of place, and Santa’s workshop seems so inappropriate to delve into a Ted Talk about how some people want to hurt others. Branch isn’t the audience for it. ]

You’re from a functioning socialist society?

[ Color him interested. He might be the son and adopted son of capitalists, no matter how philanthropic they were, but he does think that capitalism is borked and that socialism has advantages. Tim has a dim view of human nature, though, and so he doesn’t think it could work in practice without a radical shift in societal norms. ]

What do they do if they can’t replace it? How do you handle when they don’t respect the rules if there’s no jail?

[ Because it can’t be possible that no one’s committed a heinous crime. Statistical wonder. Branch is naive if he does. ]

[boldboimler]

Yeah, what he said. I was mistaken. It's not really a positive experience, don't do it.

[He says, like now people won't be curious because of two people telling them not to.]

[He looks at the listings quizzically.]

I will say this: why do they seem so fixated on coffee shops?

[He gets the weird sex stuff.]

[mostdangerousbird]

Why wouldn’t they be obsessed with coffee shops?

[ It’s one of the least offensive things about fanworks. ]

It’s a common job for young people, you meet a lot of people, you can be a regular there, two customers can have a meet-cute at a shared table when there’s a crowd. And then there’s the coffee.

[ninjavampire]

Do you know what a corporation is?

[ Branch is a fairy tale creature. He must have only experienced village bakery tier capitalism.

How can he describe Alchemax in comparison to that? ]

[forceforlight]

[Like Tim, Dick's not entirely unused to this sort of thing. After all, their world has open heroes and that, sometimes, includes licensed and unlicensed likenesses of various heroes. Action figures are about normal, and the Titans do have a legal team to deal with that sort of thing. And approve them.]

[So Dick's face is a picture before he raises a tablet so that the statue can be seen by others.]

This pose looks very uncomfortable.

[branchifer]

I don't know what "socialism" is but it helps that it's a really small village and we don't value stuff that much, so it's not hard to replace some stuff with something just as good. If you can't, usually the other troll will forgive you if you're genuinely sorry. So we don't need some special...punishment place.

Also, if you did something really bad, the whole village would be mad at you. I'm probably the only one in the village that could deal with that kind of rejection but I used to be the town crank. I'm the weird one.

[Social pressure is a pressure. Nobody wants the entire village to be mad at them.]

Everyone shares because we have to take care of each other to get by. I didn't for years but...again, town crank. Resources are pretty good where we are, but we're small, everything else is still out to get us.

I don't know what else to tell you. My people are extremely trusting. Too trusting, honestly. [Which absolutely is clearly not the case for him, given his reaction upon showing up.] We mostly tell the truth, we don't hurt each other, everyone hugs once an hour, and hurting someone else's feelings is something everyone freaks out if they realize they've done.

Well, everyone else. Yet again. [He points to himself.] Town crank.

[He sits down on a wooden block and shrugs a shoulder.]

But it kind of makes sense that they're the way they are. I don't think we could've survived everything if hurting each other wasn't the most awful thing we could think of. You don't tunnel your way through a tree, go on the run, and rebuild a society if that's not the case.

Really hurting each other in a way we can't take back would be a pretty Bergen thing to do.

[It's a combination of being a small community where social pressure has power, being an inherently naive, kind, community-oriented, frolicking woodland critter people...]

[And, well, the fact they're ostensibly refugees from a bad situation that only survived mentally, socially, and physically intact by valuing each other aggressively to counterbalance how disposable they were.]

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Tim’s laughing so hard he hiccups. Sorry, Dick. ]

You know, you know the joke I’m not making right now?

[ He coughs and ahems to try to tamp down the mirth. ]

Also, if that looks uncomfortable, you need to retire. What do old acrobats do?

[millenyal_pink]

They nerfed your butt.

[Normal things to say to an acquaintance.]

[lowercase_el]

Dude, you pose like you're on a centerfold like twice an hour without even realizing it. I've heard Peej make jokes about your butt on four separate occasions.