Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Comments

[composinghistory]

I cannot believe all of these things are about Geralt!

I am famous! Renowned across the continent! I've performed for royalty! I singlehandedly saved that man's reputation and this is what I get for it? My face should be on shirts and posters twice as much as his!

Over a decade of my life and all I get is a few shirts and a doll?

I've never been so offended in my life!

voice

[demonicmiracle]

[Sorry Jaskier but this is funny actually.]

Seems that you should have gone into Witcher-ing instead of being a bard.

[He is absolutely just teasing for the sake of it. Why is he like this.]

[composinghistory]

I immediately take everything back.

[He moves the camera to show a phone screen displaying this.]

It's all worth it because this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. I want ten.

[Geralt would absolutely hate it, which just makes it all the better.]

[demonicmiracle]

[At least he's found something positive in all this.]

Were they on a budget? The hair on that thing is awful.

[composinghistory]

Honestly, the doll may make far more suitable company than the real thing. At least it will speak when prompted!

[demonicmiracle]

Are you going to ask the yetis to make you one?

[composinghistory]

I am several steps ahead of you there, my friend. I put in an order the moment I saw it.

[demonicmiracle]

Here's hoping your Witcher shows up.

[Just to torment him with this.]

If you need a hand not getting murdered when he does, you can give me a call.

[composinghistory]

Oh, he wouldn't. He's far too fond of me for that.

[He would set the thing on fire, though...]

Though, it might not be a bad idea to request some duplicates, just in case.

[demonicmiracle]

[If you say so, Jaskier.]

They'd all end up shredded, I assume?

[composinghistory]

Burnt to a crisp, more likely. Faster and more dramatic that way.

[demonicmiracle]

Ah, a man after my own heart. Nothing a little fire can't fix.

[He is a demon, after all.]

[composinghistory]

You magic users and your fire. Some of us have to express our displeasure in more mundane ways.

[Writing reputation-ruining songs and sleeping with spouses are very mundane ways to deal with your emotions. Obviously.]

Also, did you offer to save me from the big bad Witcher? Anthony, you care!

[demonicmiracle]

What, you haven't heard of flint?

[Everyone can start a fire if they just believe in themselves!

Crowley grumbles at the watch.]

I do not. Just didn't want the yetis to have to deal with the mess.

[composinghistory]

Of course you don't, which is why you let me freeze to death without company on our first night here.

[He knows this game, he's been hearing Geralt say they're "not friends" for years.]

Do you make it a habit to take loathed strangers out for drinks, then?

[demonicmiracle]

Why are my only options caring about you or loathing you? Can I not just feel mild disinterest?

[Sentences that are specifically designed to destroy Jaskier. It's obvious from the hint of a tease in Crowley's voice that he knows Jaskier would prefer to be hated than for someone to be indifferent towards him.]

[composinghistory]

[Betrayal! Betrayal of the highest order!]

Mild disin-- I am very interesting, thank you! I have lived a life of adventure and romance, not to mention my very charming personality!

[Anthony how could you do this?]

[haircaring]

[ No idea who tf Geralt is or who this dude is, but his offense rings true. Solidarity. ]

Yeah, man. It's like, you'd think since you're here because kids believe in you in the first place, you'd have more stuff.

[composinghistory]

Exactly! One witch smells like old flowers and grapes and that's all anyone wants to talk about, meanwhile I have been singlehandedly keeping Toussaint's perfumers in business for years!

[This is, perhaps, not the strongest argument he can make but he's seen so many Yennefer-themed fragrances that it's really pissing him off.]

[haircaring]

Who wants to smell like grapes, anyway? They're basically the weirdest fruit.

[ Things to say when you don't know enough about this guy's situation to say much else. Steve has no sagely advice. But go off, dude, hell yeah, no appreciation out here. ]

[composinghistory]

How long has she used the same scents, anyway? You'd think she'd change it up after while, keep it interesting, but noooo. Gods forbid she tries something new!

[Is this at all related to what Steve said? It's questionable at best.]

[haircaring]

[ Now THIS is clown-to-clown communication. ]

You're preaching to the choir, dude. There's having a signature and then there's overdoing it. One cologne per season, minimum.

[composinghistory]

Perfume is supposed to be versatile! It's an expression of intent! A language for the olfactory organs! Having a variety for different occasions is the most effective way to use it.

[Can you hear his jester hat jingling?]

[haircaring]

[ Jester hat: jingling. Steve: just over here eating pringles. ]

We'll get you put on some high-end brands while we're stuck here. I think that's like, half the point? Better rep, more belief, helps more kids. It's a whole loop.

[composinghistory]

You know, I have thought about merchandising in the past... Something more accessible than publishing, at least.

[Printing is expensive and not everyone can read. There's an entire tragically deprived audience who he may never reach! The people deserve to know his work!]