Let's do this One Last Time [video]

[ninjavampire]

All right, people. I’m going through the archives of this place to convert all the parchment confetti into indexable data sheets.

You can thank me later for saving you all the headache.

[ The vibe of this is an 8 AM Stand-Up Meeting rather than a gathering of guardians. The video's pov is from his lab, which in addition to the completed gigacomputer, was beginning to have half-finished little magitech doohickeys scattered in sparse nooks of free space. The amount of spiderbots seems to have been left at one (1) so far.]

First item: Mission debriefs. If you've fought any dark forces recently and have extra concerning details to share, we should write it down instead of keeping it in our heads. 

Second: Current Projects. Anyone who's a friend to reindeer - you ought to talk to Phil and do him a solid for all the holiday prep. For the science nerds lurking around, I’d like to borrow your brains over here.

[ He'd normally have Lyla take care of this, but he's stuck with non-sentient computers. He hates it! ]

Last: Introductions for the new kids. And universe number, if your world has one of those - the chalkboard maps are getting digitized. I'll start.

My name is Miguel O'Hara, Spider-Man of Nueva York. No, they aren't vampire fangs. [ tired hand wave, as if recapping for the millionth time. ] I‘ve been mopping up messes in my neck of the multiverse until getting picked for fairy-tale duty with the rest of you.

Comments

[mostdangerousbird]

[ He’s not going to be ashamed of her picking up on his little switcheroo. ]

I thought you might like it. I’m going to add +3 bacon cooking to your file.

[credit_not_blame]

I will run Smartphones And You as long as someone else takes sex education. I'm not doing that shit again, especially not off-the-cuff.

And please do add that to my file! It's always nice to be able to have something to point to as proof that I know how to do something, you just have to be nice to me to get me to do it for you.

[mostdangerousbird]

What if I take Power Tool Safety and I volunteer Dick to teach sex education?

Would you like to volunteer anything else for the record?

[credit_not_blame]

Only if you promise Dick would be reasonably competent at sex education and it's not just a joke about his name.

[Because she's assuming that it is, at least in part.

She taps her index finger thoughtfully against her chin.]

I can also teach running techniques, in flats and in heels. And I once rolled someone's unconscious body into a pond full of leeches when they were rude to me.

[mostdangerousbird]

I don’t joke about his name like that.

[ He holds it in reserve for the rare occasion when Dick’s being a jerk. ]

I’m not commenting on whether or not he’d be good at sex education specifically. [ Because he can’t frame a sentence that doesn’t sound off. ] He’s a good teacher overall, and people want to listen to him. It’s not a difficult subject. It just needs to be taught by someone who has a base knowledge and will shut down the discussion if anyone is uncomfortable.

[credit_not_blame]

It's not a difficult subject, but it sure is treated like one. I don't know what they do in Rich Kid school, but I had the abstinence-only bullshit shoved down my throat and had to have parents who actually took that kind of thing seriously to ensure I got accurate information.

[mostdangerousbird]

A weird mix of abstinence and information, with most of the teachers being terrible at making sure any of us were in the dorms and most of the students keeping score.

My parents were strict about it. They searched my room because I started dating a girl who was sexually active.

[credit_not_blame]

That sounds like a great way to ensure that you become a teen parent. Good thing you have Dick -- and also your brother.

[Just because Tim doesn't make those jokes doesn't mean that Stacia has to refrain!]

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Sigh. He's ignoring that like a good boy. ]

I am definitely not a teen parent. Good news for everyone.

[credit_not_blame]

A success I attribute to you, rather than your parents' decision to go through your room.

[Stacia makes a toasting gesture toward Tim with a piece of her now-obtained bacon before she puts it in her mouth.]

[Munch munch.]

Anyway, yeah, please make someone else in charge of sex education or else I'll do...something. Teach the elves a call and response, I don't know, I'll come up with something horrific in the moment.