Let's do this One Last Time [video]

[ninjavampire]

All right, people. I’m going through the archives of this place to convert all the parchment confetti into indexable data sheets.

You can thank me later for saving you all the headache.

[ The vibe of this is an 8 AM Stand-Up Meeting rather than a gathering of guardians. The video's pov is from his lab, which in addition to the completed gigacomputer, was beginning to have half-finished little magitech doohickeys scattered in sparse nooks of free space. The amount of spiderbots seems to have been left at one (1) so far.]

First item: Mission debriefs. If you've fought any dark forces recently and have extra concerning details to share, we should write it down instead of keeping it in our heads. 

Second: Current Projects. Anyone who's a friend to reindeer - you ought to talk to Phil and do him a solid for all the holiday prep. For the science nerds lurking around, I’d like to borrow your brains over here.

[ He'd normally have Lyla take care of this, but he's stuck with non-sentient computers. He hates it! ]

Last: Introductions for the new kids. And universe number, if your world has one of those - the chalkboard maps are getting digitized. I'll start.

My name is Miguel O'Hara, Spider-Man of Nueva York. No, they aren't vampire fangs. [ tired hand wave, as if recapping for the millionth time. ] I‘ve been mopping up messes in my neck of the multiverse until getting picked for fairy-tale duty with the rest of you.

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[actually here now] video

[thismaskismybadge]

[ Actually, you know what— ]

Okay, so, hi, I'm Gwen, and Miguel used to be my boss until we had aaaaaaa— workplace disagreement. [ that is the most charitable way she could put it ] This is kind of his default setting, you get used to it. And learn to put him on mute to get back to when it's not some stupid hour of the morning unless it's actually urgent. He literally cannot stop you.

If you don't know what he means when he says universe number, just— just don't worry about it, most people do not know their own universe number. For example! I'm from Earth-65B, but I didn't know that until he told me. Seriously. Normal people don't know their universe numbers. Most not normal people don't know their universe numbers. It's fine. He's just really up in this multiverse stuff.

Unfortunately that means he's actually pretty good at all this stuff, so, like... yeah. [ she doesn't disagree with what he's suggesting on principle, here, she's just grumpy because it's him ] But, for the record, Miguel, I am not doing mission reports in the old proper format. I am doing them however I feel like doing them.

[ninjavampire]

[ dragging his hand down his face. ]

A mission report the usual way would lose about half of the roster on here.

No. It’s being truncated.

[thismaskismybadge]

That's the most correct thing you've said today, but hey, for all I knew, you'd try and get me and Peter, specifically, to do it the old way.

[ Beat. ]

You're not actually thinking of trying to get people to follow any actual format, are you? There's no way.

[millenyal_pink]

...And what was the old way? Inquiring minds want to know.

[She wants to know.]

[ninjavampire]

Set the standard early and it wont be such an adjustment.

[ Yes Gwen, he is actually attempting to get people to follow a format. ]

The old way required scan data from gadgets you'd get from base, which we don't have here, obviously. And the usual: dates, events, individuals involved, what have you.

[thismaskismybadge]

Oh, no, you are not getting off that easy.

[ She raises her fingers to count off on them: ]

Date of mission by Nueva York time, and the time in the destination universe. Universe numbers for the anomaly, the destination of the anomaly, and every Spider involved in catching the anomaly. Names for all involved individuals, code and real where possible. Equipment used or deployed. Play-by-play of the mission. Notes of all damage, ideally separated into normal damage and glitch-distortion. Likelihood of canon disruption. Quantum. Stability. Of the dimensions involved. Do I need to go on?

[ She's playing up the struggle a little bit, but still. There you go Elle inquiring minds. ]

If you actually successfully manage to get everyone to follow even a truncated format, I will eat my own mask.

[ninjavampire]

Most of the Spiders have PhDs, including Peter. There's no excuse for them to get sloppy on their reports.

[ he is RELENTLESS. ]

[millenyal_pink]

Okay, there are definitely people who'll be able to work with that.

Realistically, most of us can manage maybe half. Maybe. And that's not even considering the anti-authority disposition of a good portion of the group.

[She won't say whether she's one of them. That's for her to know and Miguel to find out.]

There are ways to, functionally, get that information from everyone but this ain't it.

[ninjavampire]

No, probably not.

[ resigned sigh. he's lowered his standards so much, but this wasn't his house to order people around in, anyway. Miguel gets that. ]

...I was hoping to find a half-way point.

[millenyal_pink]

Everyone else's half-way point is gonna be your three-quarters.

[Is this metaphor even working?]

Imposing your system on the whole group isn't fair, and could make you look like a dick.

[Not saying he's currently acting like a dick but he's kind of acting like a dick.]

[thismaskismybadge]

Yes, exactly, thank you.

[ Elle you are her new favourite person right now. ]

I don't even disagree we need to keep track of stuff, but c'mon. You gotta let people get the necessary info down their own way or it's just not gonna happen.

[millenyal_pink]

If you need help compiling it all into a format that works for your database, I'm sure other people would be willing to help.

I'd offer but, again, you don't want me on typing duty.

[ninjavampire]

[ Miguel can't believe he's being ganged up on by teenagers. But Elle did prove herself a little earlier with Sam 2020 over there, so... begrudgingly ]

I can be... flexible [ HHHRHRGNH ] but we need a baseline, or we're going to end up wasting time with missing and irrelevant junk information.

[ see: all the annoying little memes the Spiders liked to write in the page margins >:( ]

It's a report, not a personal journal.

[millenyal_pink]

Okay, I'm just going to be 100% honest here. There are people who are going to reject this on principle. It's not a bad idea, it's just a lofty one. Set whatever baseline you want, let people opt-in to what degree they're comfortable with, and then we can figure out how to handle the outliers.

[She's not saying the group is made up of contrarian bastards (affectionate), but if the shoe fits...

(Maybe he won't notice the "we" she snuck in there. She is now on the project team, Miguel doesn't get a choice in the matter.)]

[ninjavampire]

What principles? Hating doing your homework?

[ the thought of getting pushback on the most basic attempt at cooperation sounds completely absurd to him. ]

Nevermind. Just, whatever works to get things coordinated. We're on the same team, there should be a way to meet where all the members are at.

[thismaskismybadge]

[ Gwen's face and the way she makes claws in the air says you see what I had to deal with? loud and clear. ]

I am not even going to get into how insane it was to end up doing that much 'homework' when I was no longer even in school—

[ —hope everyone's enjoying the edges of whatever story happened here that have been forming, because she's not going to fill them in any time soon— ]

—Miguel, two words. Just... two words:

Hobie. Brown.

[ She spent enough time hanging around with her favourite punk anarchist who cooperated entirely on his own terms to catch onto some of the possible implications of principles in this case. ]

[ninjavampire]

Proving my point.

[ Hobie never did his reports and hated following perfectly reasonable rules!! And pilfered his lab stuff!!!!! ]

Being diligent is a good quality to have, Gwen. That was a positive note on your dossier, by the way - before 1610.

[hobospider]

Hey, don't drag me into this.

Also, most of us got that far and then chose vigilanteism over academia. I'm not sure why you think that equals "willing to do paperwork".

[ninjavampire]

Collecting detailed notes is part of the fieldwork - we're dealing with the fate of the multiverse, here.

[Locked]

[bestbrotherever]

Does he ever sleep? Or have regular down time where he would not appreciate being interrupted?

[thismaskismybadge]

[ A moment of serious consideration, ] ...I actually don't think I've ever seen hard evidence he actually sleeps. Or knows how to take a break for longer than it takes to grab food or something.

[ It's hard to tell if she's exaggerating but her perspective is by nature skewed by Miguel's boss man behaviour at the Society. ]

[bestbrotherever]

Hm... I suppose we could watch for when he is fetching food and coordinate to all turn in our reports once he is seen at it.

Or we could leave them in his lab, but not say where in the lab...

[thismaskismybadge]

Y'know leaving stuff without telling him where it is might actually do it, might be just enough to drive him a little nuts.

[bestbrotherever]

I think I shall try it, then. Keep him on his toes.

[thismaskismybadge]

Have at it, dude. I guess we'll probably hear about it if it gets results.