longestnight | Fandom's Come Knocking

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, Sir Santa isn't home, is he? We hardly need to stand on ceremony for his sake.

[This the point where he remembers that Jaskier doesn't have a cultural reference for Santa, so it probably didn't have the right effect.

Oh well, you live and learn.]

Well, I suppose you'd best come on over then.

[Crowley, babygirl, don't try to call this bluff. That only works if the other person is actually bluffing.]

Is that a genuine offer?

[He has to ask because previously, Anthony gave a firm rejection. Jaskier has no interest in pushing where he isn't welcome.]

[He's being a bit of a dick, isn't he?

There's a thoughtful sound from Crowley, mostly to indicate that he's thinking and hasn't just fucked off.

After a moment:]

I don't think that'd be much fair to you. But you're always welcome to stop by for a drink.

[He has a stash of decent whiskey and wine, because of course he does.]

[Jaskier doesn't particularly care about the fairness of the matter, but he understands what Anthony's trying to say.]

I hope you know what you're offering.

[He will take him up on that. Liberally.]

If you empty out my liquor cabinet, I'll be more impressed than bothered.

[Is that what Jaskier meant? Maybe not, but he's choosing to interpret it that way.]

Well, that sounds like a challenge.

[Alcohol poisoning, here we come!]

[Should he be encouraging alcohol poisoning?]

Eh, knock yourself out, I can keep you from dying.

Who would you mock if I were to tragically perish before my time?

[The temptation to once again say "See, you do care!" is potent, but somehow he resists.]

Exactly, I'd have to find some new poor soul to torment.

I imagine that it simply isn't worth the effort.

[Is this still flirting? This is similar to what he does with Geralt, and Geralt is certainly not flirting with him. Hmmm, he'll have to gather more data to be sure. Maybe it's only flirting when it's with Anthony.]

It takes so long to break them in, it's hardly worth the hassle.

[This is definitely flirting.]

[That was definitely flirting.]

Ah, but there's something to be said for the thrill of the challenge, is there not?

[Please break him in.]

So they say.

[Who is they? What are they talking about? There's several metaphors in here.]

Things do start to get stale when you've been around as long as I have, you gotta keep things fresh.

If there's one thing I've never been called, it's boring.

[Which is not strictly true, but he doesn't think the opinions of jealousy-ridden, no-talent hacks named Valdo Marx should count.]

Isn't that how we got into this mess in the first place?

[Namely, Crowley saying he was disinterested in Jaskier.]

[...Perhaps, but that was over a minute ago and Jaskier shouldn't be expected to remember it!]

I can hardly be expected to keep track of such trifling matters, I've got much more important things on the mind.

Am I going to regret asking what those things are?

[He definitely is.]

Trying to figure out the limits of your ability to keep me from drinking myself to death, for one.

[That's one of the more socially appropriate answers he can honestly give.]

Oh, that's not difficult, I just take the alcohol out of you and put it back in th'bottle.

[Wait.]

Well, I can do it for myself, should probably be able to do the same to a human.

Well it sounds like this particular hypothesis needs to be tested!

[He's already on his way to Anthony's rooms.]

Fandom's Come Knocking

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