longestnight | Fandom's Come Knocking

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

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[Coming up from Crowley: a series of unintelligible noises expressing all his disgust.]

I do not fucking look like that.

They even have you sticking out a forked tongue! The attention to detail!

[She is delighted.]

I hate you.

[He doesn't.]

[She snorts inelegantly.]

I'm not hearing any complaints about Aziraphale's. Do you think his is more accurate?

We're absolutely not talking about Aziraphale right now.

[girl he is TRAUMATIZED. he cannot handle anyone even mentioning Aziraphale right now.]

Ah... I see.

[She smirks knowingly, but doesn't press.]

What will you give me not to show these to our unmentionable mutual acquaintance?

[They seem like the kind of thing Aziraphale would just adore.]

[A dilemma. Of all the things for Aziraphale to see, the ducks are actually cute and definitely the least offensive, but if he acts like he's fine with it, Elle might find something worse.]

Don't get him curious about all this rubbish, he's better off not knowing.

[Well, this has just turned into A Conversation.]

You don't think he deserves to know? He's a grown angel. He's well within his rights to decide for himself if he wants to look further into things or not.

He knows about the show, he doesn't need to know about all the rest of it.

[It isn't just about the porn, it's about how many people have clearly read them as a couple and not wanting to put Aziraphale in a position where he feels he has to make sure Crowley knows they're all wrong.]

M'not telling him he can't look it up if he wants, but there's no reason to shove it in his face.

I don't think that's entirely fair. You're withholding information that's about him.

He's not a child. You shouldn't need to protect him from the world.

[Bold words coming from an recently 18-year-old.]

[Protecting Aziraphale is actually his entire function, thanks.]

It's about some stupid humans making up stories about their idea of us. It's not real.

[They haven't even watched the damn show yet.]

If it's not real, why is it be a problem for him to know?

[She's not going to let this be easy. There's something here that is bothering Crowley, and it's not about Aziraphale. At least, not in the way he claims.]

[There are so many answers to that question, and he knows he could just ignore Elle, turn off the stupid watch and walk away, but then she might just go tell Aziraphale all about it.

It's safer to find the right answer, the one that she'll be satisfied without revealing too much.]

'Cause it's not — [There's an audible click as he snaps his teeth shut, before he tries again.

Even when he's trying to choose the less revealing answer, there's still feelings involved and that's the worst thing to talk about.] He doesn't need the reminder that some hundred thousands of people on this blasted planet have likely seen into the worst moments of our lives.

[He hasn't watched the show, but he's done enough digging to have a rough idea of what awaits him when he finally does.]

Edited 2023-10-09 03:31 (UTC)

[Oh you poor, idiot demon.]

Crowley... You can't protect him from that. You just can't. It's literally the conceit of us being here.

Does it suck? Yeah, fucking big time. But it's something we're all having to deal with. Shielding him from it now is just going to make it harder when you can't, because that's going to happen. There's going to be something you can't hide from him or- or protect him from, and he won't be at all prepared for it.

[Crowley sits with that for a moment, glowering at the watch, and only partially because Elle has a point.]

You're so young.

[It isn't meant as an insult, there's no condescension in his voice. It's stated very simply, because it is just a fact to him. It's coming from millennia of existence, not the handful of decades that some human adult would have on her.]

I'm quite aware of what I can and can't protect him from, and I've no desire to explain myself to you.

[If she runs off to tell Aziraphale, so be it, but he won't have this conversation while a child that he barely knows.]

[Elle resists the urge to roll her eyes, how many fucking times has she heard that line? Instead she takes a deep breath.]

If you respect him, don't make his decisions for him.

He's your friend. When the time comes, wouldn't you rather be there for him?

[She knows she shouldn't push any further, so she'll leave it at that.]

Edited 2023-10-09 03:52 (UTC)

[He should just hang up, he should, but he just can't help himself.]

Tell him about the damn ducks if you want. It's none of my business.

[Little baby bitch boy is throwing a tantrum.]

[Elle raises an eyebrow. She keeps her voice just as even as it's been the whole conversation.]

I'm not going to tell him about the ducks. You asked me not to.

[She says it like it's that simple. And for her it is.]

[!!!!

Don't sound all sincere and be nice to him when he's cranky, that's the worst!!]

Ugh, humans are impossible.

[Now he's going to finally gather his one stray braincell and hang up.

Finally.]

Fandom's Come Knocking

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