longestnight | Fandom's Come Knocking

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Fandom's Come Knocking

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

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[The jig isn't up until Puss says its up. He holds the plush up and out at arms length, miming as if he's never seen it before.]

What, this? This is...well, it's...You know. Kitty. She's a Kitty. I mean, her name is Kitty. Kitty Softpaws. She's a thief that I, uh...we're...it's a long story and I...

[Yeah, he has no idea how to describe their relationship now. They only just reconciled and figuring out what they're going to be to each other was shaping up to be a very long process. He gropes for a word and can only land on:]

I guess you could say she's my "It's Complicated."

[He's not sure where that came from, but it sounds good.]

...But so we're clear, it's not weird that I have this!

Totally not weird at all. Keeping a stuffed doll of your "It's complicated" nice and close, within hugging distance.

[He is very smug about it. Not really mean, just having a good tease. But then he is thwarted, hoisted by his own petard. Because he's walking along and still looking at toys, but also looking at his screen.]

[So he misses the Branch and Poppy Holiday in Harmony Hallmark Keepsake ornament in its box behind him.]

[It's not something that can be passed off as an accidental grab. It's not something he wants to come even close to admitting to. And, unlike accidentally grabbing a doll, it's pretty much an actual smoking gun.]

I keep, plush huggable versions of lots of people I know within hugging distance.

[Puss makes some lightly mocking blah blah blah motions with his mouth, similarly teasing if slightly more grumpy than Branch, watching him strut in front of his piles of toys.

And then he spots it. Hard not to, what with it being bright pink and everything. A small smug smile spreads over his furry face. This is gonna be good.]

And I'm to understand you prefer to cuddle with, what, that statue?

[He rolls his eyes.]

What statue?

[He thinks Puss is digging for something stupid and very thin in response, but turns, the smile drops, and his eyes pop open wide.]

[Realizing it means his little heartsong is just right out there in the open for everyone to see, he lets out a little "nynghynnghg!" noise of alarm and reflexively kicks the ornament box right off the table.]

[Then he cringes, realizing that's infinitely worse, because he could've just played it cool and been like "Oh yeah, that's my best friend, we're probably just holding hands on the ornament because she's touchy-feely."]

That doesn't - that doesn't mean anything! People just - in this world they just like putting us all in Situations with these toys.

I mean, she's my best friend and she likes to hold hands with everybody. So.

[That certainly doesn't explain his reaction, though. Or the way his face turned brighter blue.]

Ha ha! I see!

[Puss is laugh-talking, able to get the words out clearly but also barely holding in the giggles.]

I'm so glad -heehee!- you cleared that up! I might have gotten the impression that was something -ha!- scandalous!

[He has to wipe tears from his eyes.]

So...is "situations" your way of saying "it's complicated?"

No! I just mean hypotheticals! These are toys for kids playing pretend, right? Maybe they just hypothetically wanted us to hold hands! Like she does with all of her friends.

[He has totally normal friend feelings for her. It's totally normal to carry a pic of you and your bestie looking adoringly at each other around in your hair and to stare at it when you're trapped and think you're about to die just to see her face one last time.]

[It is also totally normal after being given a list of activities by said best friend to re-acclimate to society and be a healthy, happy person again, to add "learn to love again" as one of said activities and to be thinking about someone very specific.]

[Totally just best friend stuff.]

I'm not the one with a doll. That thing was just randomly there! You had a - a possession. Within arm's reach even!

[Deflecting will surely work here.]

[That is some theatric chin rubbing and a really drawn out Mmmmmmhmmmm. Someone here isn't convinced.]

So if you found a toy of her holding hands with her other friends, you would kick them off the table too?

[Puss's eyes dart from the doll to the camera, trying to think of a retort. It takes him a little too long, but he gets there.]

Well, true enough. It is a doll. A doll of someone I care about. A doll that, ah, look at that! [Puss waves the dolls paw at the camera.] They didn't sew to a Puss in Boots doll!

Psh! You don't know what you're talking about.

[He rolls his eyes so hard they almost roll out of his head.]

Humans are just crazy. Seeing things that aren't there. That's what this is about. What we do matters more. And I'm being totally normal about things and not hugging dolls of my [he affects a whiny little voice with a good mimicry of Puss' accent] "it's Complicated."

[Which accidentally admits Poppy is his own "It's Complicated." He meant to say "of a 'It's Complicated.' He said my.]

Besides, there are other conversations to be had here like how do you have so much of an ego you're already swimming in stuff with your face on it?

[Don't think Puss didn't catch that.]

Whose "It's Complicated?"

[A real dense smug is rolling in here.

Puss pulls out a mug from the pile and gestures for someone to bring him a drink.]

Uh, same reason you are? I saw a toy of myself and was curious. Kinda fun, no? To know that children love you enough to want something with your face on it?

[Branch bristles so much his hair actually bristles a little and stands up slightly like a cat's fur.]

[He very nearly growls.]

I meant your "it's complicated."

But anyway...

[He grabs the lifeline of the change in conversation because it's a way out of talking about Poppy.]

[Branch looks up at some kind of large plastic playset, almost large enough he could actually be one of the dolls. There are a few trolls on this one in the likeness of himself and a few of he and Poppy's friends.]

It's weird. I don't get it.

I mean, Poppy sure.

[He doesn't exposit out loud why because it's more ammunition. She's unstoppable and brave and full of sunshine. She's the one that was willing to walk into the growlbeast's den of Bergentown on the off chance her friends were alive.]

[He followed her because it was the right thing to do and because she asked him to, and because deep down he cared about her, the only person that insisted on constantly reaching out to him to welcome him into village celebrations despite how he growled and snapped at everyone, and said openly that it was because he deserved to be happy.]

[But he still tells himself he only went after her because he didn't want his bunker wrecked by the entire village when she let them in, that it was because he couldn't stand the constant hug times.]

The only thing I can think of, after seeing human kids on their teevee is that human children just really like bright colors and pretty sounds. Trolls can talk from when they're hatched but human children seem, uuuh, like they take more time to develop.

[It's not the only reason. It doesn't account for the older children and teens that identify with someone so traumatized still being brave enough to do the right thing.]

I mean, you actually go out of your way to do stupid hero stuff, right?

[Puss is pretty loud about it.]

[Branch is struggling to conceptualize himself as a hero. Never mind that he was trying to help people in the theater by tripping serial killers 30 times his size.]

Edited 2023-10-09 03:50 (UTC)

[Alright, alright, Puss can let it go there. He's had his fun. He'll have more in the future he suspects.

He doesn't flinch, exactly, but those are some tacky, garish colors on those toys and he responds, turning up his nose ever so slightly. It kind of hurts his eyes a little.]

Bright colors is right. What is your people's natural habitat? A piñata?

Anyway, I don't think that's quite right. If that were all it takes, you could, I dunno, paint a face on a watermelon and make it sing random songs until the children's brains turned to mush. But there's no watermelon here. No little bambino believed in that watermelon enough to bring it here to protect them. But it seems they believed in you as much as they did me.

And sure, I do that "stupid hero stuff" now but I didn't start out that way. I honed my skills in my childhood as a common thief and didn't realize how great it is to be a hero until I stumbled into it.

[See that? That was honesty. Puss admitting he wasn't a legend his entire life was not easy for him and still he did it. And it only stung a little.]

We live in the forest! We just have camouflage.

[He demonstrates, placing his comm down on a building block and wrapping his hair around himself. It changes color and a tiny bit in texture then looks like a rock. The shading even gives off the impression of more texture.]

[As weird as the hair is, it makes a little sense as something adaptive. They can swing away from danger. They can use it to hide themselves. Fighting is mostly out of the question at their size, so running and hiding is all they've got.]

[He then withdraws it and it goes back to the normal floof on the top of his head and changes back to black with some blue undertones. He picks up his comm again.]

That's what we do. We hide. For a long time, I extra hid.

When the Bergens took some of our people, Poppy had to practically drag me kicking and screaming into doing the right thing and trying to get them back.

[What's not said: he still went. He still helped. He still did the right thing when he could have walked away. Just like he could've hidden in places in the theater and not run out to try to trip bad guys.]

It's just...weird.

Now that we're here, I don't even know how I'm supposed to help anyone do anything to protect anyone at my size.

[Puss, though, is also small. Maybe not as small as him, but smaller than the humans. But he doesn't seem to be bothered at all about the expectations they're facing or about being expected to face them while smaller than them. He could just chalk it up to raging ego but he does think there's something else.]

Is everyone a walking cat where you're from?

[He curious about whether he's at a size disadvantage at home, too.]

[Wow, that's actually a good trick. Quite effective, especially for a predator who's eyesight is built for locating small prey.]

That's...impressive. Truly. I think that would fool even a cat's eyes. Can you mask your scent as well?

[How Branch is meant to protect is a good question. Actually, it's a great question. Puss doesn't want to say any variation of I Don't Know because he'd like to build Branch up about this rather than tear him down.

Thankfully, Branch pulls the conversation in a different direction.]

Oh, no no no, most people where I come from are humans. And for that matter, most animals are just beasts. But animals like myself come in all species; I personally know of dogs, donkeys, bears, insects, pigs, and even inanimate objects like puppets and cookies that are sentient and intelligent. There are also creatures that are their own species, like ogres, dragons, fairies, gnomes, the list goes on. We even have...

...well, we call them "trolls," but considering they tend to stand over 6 feet tall and solve their problems through hitting rather than hiding, I would say they are nothing much like your people at all.

Big trolls.

Weird.

[But he's focusing on something else right now.]

You're small compared to the humans. What made you think "hey I'll just go around fighting stuff anyway"?

[Where did that feeling of being able to actually exert his will on the world come from?]

[He's wondering if he can find it himself, too. Somehow. Because for some inexplicable reason there are kids out there who, what, think he can protect them? He makes them feel safe somehow?]

[But there is a difference between prey brain and predator brain. And it's not easy to break outside of his usual way of thinking. Not when the only reason he could do it last time was desperation, some residual care for his people, and feelings for Poppy. How does he call up that motivation for strangers? Even when he definitely has more of a soft spot for children.]

Huh...I don't think anyone has ever asked me that before.

[Puss has to think about that. The question caught him off guard, and it's not something that can be answered with a quip or a single sentence, not satisfactorily anyway.]

I don't...no. No, I do know.

[He sits down on a lunch box. This is going to be a long story.]

You said that trolls can speak when they are born, but kittens are not so lucky. My eyes only opened a few days after I was born, and they opened...to no one. No mother's loving tongue, no mewling of siblings, no colony of cats to call my own. The winds of fate brought me to a home for orphan boys, where I was taken in and raised by the human that ran it. Mama Imelda.

The boys at that home were...not all kind. On my first day a brute by the name of Little Boy Blue saw me as nothing more than a target. Any new boy in that place was competing for Imelda's attention and what little food she could afford for us, after all. He was, however, a bit late. Another boy had already stolen my meager portion of beans.

And yet the thief -Humpty Dumpty was his name- surprised me that day. When Blue's follower had me by the scruff, he yelled at them to leave me alone. You see, I could not speak at that time. I only had a tiny kitten's mew to make myself heard. And Humpty was...an egg. Literally, he was a giant egg with arms and legs. His body made him completely defenseless against those bullies. They knocked him to the ground and spun him around. Brutal thing to do to someone who can't even roll over!

But he had stood up for me. And a cat, even a kitten, has claws. It was then I found the strength to fight back, to protect someone who had tried to stand up for me even when it was hopeless.

[If Branch notices a deep sadness tinging the wistful nostalgic fondness in Puss's eyes, he's not just imagining things. Their friendship ended far worse than it started.]

[Branch patiently listens. Then he nods and says:]

That was such a long answer.

[He says it out loud because he's a very rude person, so he absolutely is going to call out Puss's tendency to wax lyrical about himself.]

But...

I think I get it. A little. I wanted to keep people from my village safe, after Poppy dragged me into everything with the Bergens.

I figured "hey I'm here in the thick of it, already doomed. Might as well try to get them out even though it'll just end with all of us dying horribly."

[He did want to save them. He can admit that a little bit, especially now that all of them have become his friends, too. If they'd been left to their fate, he'd have never found acceptance and friendship with them all.]

I guess it's just...it's hard to figure out what to do when you don't have claws. Even if maybe you want to do something. A little.

You know, because apparently I'm insane.

Oh, and here I thought that was the abridged version. Well, that did it. Next time you're getting the full story.

[That's not an idle threat, Branch.]

Well, you've got a good start: you wanted to protect them from...uh, I'm inferring from context that these "Bergens" are predators of trolls? Is that right?

[Bergens are completely unknown to him, he's going off of very little.

He points his finger in the air, shaking it a bit to signal that he's got the beginnings of an idea.]

...What about all those traps you make?

Do not. With the story.

[Ugh, he is not sitting through that.]

[The rest is...loaded. And a conversation he might have to have with a few people who didn't overhear things during his freakout. He tries to keep it brisk.]

The Bergens are the big people from back home. They're a lot like humans. They used to kill us. And kept us trapped in the troll tree until we escaped when I was a kid. [There, he said that with a sufficient amount of factual emotionlessness, breezing through it like he didn't just admit something heinous happened.] It's why I didn't trust the big people here at first.

[Which explains a lot, also, about his initial frenetic counter-attack when he thought Puss was stalking him. Of course he was extremely on edge when surrounded by new, strange big people in a strange situation and had already been attacked by another cat. Of course he threw things.]

[He quickly moves on.]

The problem with the traps is they take a lot of prep time and the right things to use as components. Not a guarantee just anywhere.

[He's honestly trying to problem solve this here. He's starting to acknowledge he does want to try to help. Maybe.]

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Fandom's Come Knocking

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