[Branch squints, because he's a naturally suspicious and contrary person, so being told to do something then to not do it, naturally makes him curious enough to do it.]

Okay, I don't see what's so bad about this. Half of the ones I'm in are about someone named "Broppy"? I don't even know who that i-

[He breaks off mid-sentence, realizing from context clues like listed characters that it's a portmanteau, realizes the content is romantic, and closes out the browser long before he reads enough to learn anything more than that.]

[He is luckier than some, in being able to overcome the curiosity and cut himself off instantly due to effectively having the vapors at mere mention of just romance. He will never dare google fanfic of himself again and that means never seeing the really gnarly stuff.]

Nope. Nope nope nope.

[That sure is footage of him flopping over off the building block he was sitting on, laying down on his stomach, and burying his face against the work table he's on in mortification, letting out one last muffled:]

Nope.

[Still muffled:]

They're right, don't do it.