Fandom's Come Knocking

[branchifer]

Okay, did you guys know people in this world make stuff of some of us? Apparently the yetis make toys of us on their own if none exist but also imitate ones that do exist if kids want them.

[Branch is hopping along a table of merch that is meant to mimic exactly the merch of him in stores. A lot of it is actually bigger than he is. He shows off the dolls with his tiny little wrist comm. They look even weirder at that perspective.]

Now that I know they're not ritual effigies, the toy thing is kind of funny. Weird, but funny.

Look at this. Look.

[He holds up his comm so the camera picks up some absolutely hideous toys.]

Like, who is this guy? I wouldn't even know who this was if it wasn't labeled with my name. Like, some random guy from the village maybe. I've never dressed like that in my life.

[He points the camera at another.]

This one is the closest to actually looking like me and it still has the random skull symbol hair thing. What's up with that? [A pause as his face comes back in view. It screws up in thought.] ...Okay, actually I don't hate it.

[Because even though he's a much happier person than he once was, he's still slightly an edgelord. Just slightly.]

[He looks upward and similar skull designs suddenly appear in his own hair, thanks to his ability to change its color. Maybe that explains why some of the dolls have black hair and some have blue (if manufacturing inconsistencies aren't to blame).]

[(It's actually not but he's not about to explain the subtleties of troll coloration when it comes to emotional state.)]

Seriously, you should check it out, and see if the yetis made stuff based on you. It's hilarious.

[ooc: If none exists IRL, people can make up imaginary merch, though all merch at the Pole would be for kids or teens. The stuff made purely by the yetis would largely be decent-looking and accurate, uglier stuff would be based on designs existing in the game world because well, that's what the kid pointed at in the store. Googling themselves would produce other merch for other demographics, as well as let people find out about any internet fandom. People can feel free to thread hop a lot because the point of this is probably going to be a lot of pointing and laughing.]

Comments

[composinghistory]

Exactly! One witch smells like old flowers and grapes and that's all anyone wants to talk about, meanwhile I have been singlehandedly keeping Toussaint's perfumers in business for years!

[This is, perhaps, not the strongest argument he can make but he's seen so many Yennefer-themed fragrances that it's really pissing him off.]

[composinghistory]

Of course you don't, which is why you let me freeze to death without company on our first night here.

[He knows this game, he's been hearing Geralt say they're "not friends" for years.]

Do you make it a habit to take loathed strangers out for drinks, then?

[demonicmiracle]

Why are my only options caring about you or loathing you? Can I not just feel mild disinterest?

[Sentences that are specifically designed to destroy Jaskier. It's obvious from the hint of a tease in Crowley's voice that he knows Jaskier would prefer to be hated than for someone to be indifferent towards him.]

Re: cw: implied minor/adult shipping in the context of fan-made works

[millenyal_pink]

[Elle and Stacia are grasping hands, neither of them wanting to see what people think of their relationship with Isaac.]

Right? I've been on the internet, I know what's waiting for me. I want to be able to look my packmates in the eyes when I get back, thanks.

private

[demonicmiracle]

[!!!!

Don't sound all sincere and be nice to him when he's cranky, that's the worst!!]

Ugh, humans are impossible.

[Now he's going to finally gather his one stray braincell and hang up.

Finally.]

[ferengineer]

I could just charge him the upfront fee and then give him nothing, really.

[demonicmiracle]

Didn't exactly work out for your lot, did it? Being their gods.

[It's not mocking, just a statement. He knows that some people still worship Odin and other Norse gods, but it's not nearly as prevalent as it used to be. Christianity kind of ruined that, despite his best efforts.]

See? I knew you'd get it. Hearing all the shite about the snake in the garden is fun. Having humans actually know about me is awful.

[branchifer]

We live in the forest! We just have camouflage.

[He demonstrates, placing his comm down on a building block and wrapping his hair around himself. It changes color and a tiny bit in texture then looks like a rock. The shading even gives off the impression of more texture.]

[As weird as the hair is, it makes a little sense as something adaptive. They can swing away from danger. They can use it to hide themselves. Fighting is mostly out of the question at their size, so running and hiding is all they've got.]

[He then withdraws it and it goes back to the normal floof on the top of his head and changes back to black with some blue undertones. He picks up his comm again.]

That's what we do. We hide. For a long time, I extra hid.

When the Bergens took some of our people, Poppy had to practically drag me kicking and screaming into doing the right thing and trying to get them back.

[What's not said: he still went. He still helped. He still did the right thing when he could have walked away. Just like he could've hidden in places in the theater and not run out to try to trip bad guys.]

It's just...weird.

Now that we're here, I don't even know how I'm supposed to help anyone do anything to protect anyone at my size.

[Puss, though, is also small. Maybe not as small as him, but smaller than the humans. But he doesn't seem to be bothered at all about the expectations they're facing or about being expected to face them while smaller than them. He could just chalk it up to raging ego but he does think there's something else.]

Is everyone a walking cat where you're from?

[He curious about whether he's at a size disadvantage at home, too.]

[branchifer]

[That word is definitely outside his normal vocabulary but context makes it easy to understand it means the same thing as "jerk."]

Yeah, see? It could be worse.

Apparently, when I'm not a stuffed animal for small children, being a cranky jerk is what I have a rep for.

[It takes some doing for him to figure out how to do it but he links a few t-shirts. Being cranky seems to be his brand.]

[He's colored bit grayer in them than he currently is. Has to be a printing thing, right?]

You're not known for being a jerk, count your blessings.

[branchifer]

[Boy, that instantly makes him look shifty. It's one thing to obliquely hint at turning out this way for bad reasons, it's another to just call it out as what it is: trauma.]

[Even though it was 100% plain for everyone to see, what with freaking out in a bout of extreme paranoia, booby-trapping the place, and kidnapping someone.]

It's, you know. They've been plenty supportive, after I stopped hiding and pushing everyone away.

[General support, however, isn't the same as someone knowing what they're doing.]

I've been figuring it out and working through it. I don't really need help with it.

[That would involve talking to someone other than Poppy and his friends about any of it.]

[Never mind that, again, it was still bad enough that he freaked out and took a hostage.]

[favoritefearlesshero]

[Wow, that's actually a good trick. Quite effective, especially for a predator who's eyesight is built for locating small prey.]

That's...impressive. Truly. I think that would fool even a cat's eyes. Can you mask your scent as well?

[How Branch is meant to protect is a good question. Actually, it's a great question. Puss doesn't want to say any variation of I Don't Know because he'd like to build Branch up about this rather than tear him down.

Thankfully, Branch pulls the conversation in a different direction.]

Oh, no no no, most people where I come from are humans. And for that matter, most animals are just beasts. But animals like myself come in all species; I personally know of dogs, donkeys, bears, insects, pigs, and even inanimate objects like puppets and cookies that are sentient and intelligent. There are also creatures that are their own species, like ogres, dragons, fairies, gnomes, the list goes on. We even have...

...well, we call them "trolls," but considering they tend to stand over 6 feet tall and solve their problems through hitting rather than hiding, I would say they are nothing much like your people at all.

[favoritefearlesshero]

[Wow, that's actually a good trick. Quite effective, especially for a predator who's eyesight is built for locating small prey.]

That's...impressive. Truly. I think that would fool even a cat's eyes. Can you mask your scent as well?

[How Branch is meant to protect is a good question. Actually, it's a great question. Puss doesn't want to say any variation of I Don't Know because he'd like to build Branch up about this rather than tear him down.

Thankfully, Branch pulls the conversation in a different direction.]

Oh, no no no, most people where I come from are humans. And for that matter, most animals are just beasts. But animals like myself come in all species; I personally know of dogs, donkeys, bears, insects, pigs, and even inanimate objects like puppets and cookies that are sentient and intelligent. There are also creatures that are their own species, like ogres, dragons, fairies, gnomes, the list goes on. We even have...

...well, we call them "trolls," but considering they tend to stand over 6 feet tall and solve their problems through hitting rather than hiding, I would say they are nothing much like your people at all.

[branchifer]

Big trolls.

Weird.

[But he's focusing on something else right now.]

You're small compared to the humans. What made you think "hey I'll just go around fighting stuff anyway"?

[Where did that feeling of being able to actually exert his will on the world come from?]

[He's wondering if he can find it himself, too. Somehow. Because for some inexplicable reason there are kids out there who, what, think he can protect them? He makes them feel safe somehow?]

[But there is a difference between prey brain and predator brain. And it's not easy to break outside of his usual way of thinking. Not when the only reason he could do it last time was desperation, some residual care for his people, and feelings for Poppy. How does he call up that motivation for strangers? Even when he definitely has more of a soft spot for children.]

[millenyal_pink]

Duh, but the internet is just there for anyone to stumble across. It's an accessibility thing.

["Humans have always been horny" isn't exactly a novel statement.]

[bestbrotherever]

That is not very Starfleet of you.

Sooner or later he will learn that "Come to Quark's" will actually work this time. Would you not rather be the one to inform him and profit from it?

[bestbrotherever]

Do you not think humans should have easy access to information?

[He grew up as a prince of an advanced civilization. Having that level of accessibility to knowledge is normal to him.]

[lowercase_el]

Oh, it's totally a great idea to be someone that can level buildings and let influence and power go to your head. Super healthy mindset to get into.

Listen, man, I've seen multiple alternate timelines where alternate me's let that happen. They weren't pretty.

[bestbrotherever]

Now, I would say that yet. The mortals may yet decide that they do not need to defend themselves and accept their place under Asgard's benevolent protection. [There's all the sarcasm in Loki's reply. Especially on the "accept their place" and "benevolent" parts.]

It is not merely how much they know about me. Their opinion of my proper role, that I cannot ever be more than that, and that they are capable in any capacity of controlling my fate...

[branchifer]

Don't care, still weird.

[He doesn't get up from the floor. His ears are blushing blue.]

I don't like people being all up in my business.

[bestbrotherever]

That is more than my people would do for me. Ah, correction, my former people. Though they would also not do as much for anyone other than their most beloved icon.

[Yeah, he has a lot of baggage about how Asgard puts others into boxes of "flawed but fixable" and "irredeemable monster". And that as soon as he could be written off as not one of them, he was.]

Figuring it out yourself... We are never the best judges of our own health. If you do not involve others, you may start making mistakes, that build upon each other.

[bestbrotherever]

You could have helped them correct course while taking advantage of their admiration to accomplish your mission.

[branchifer]

I'm sorry your people are like that. I'm kind of starting to get the sense mine are pretty special. I know I'm lucky. I never expected, after years of pushing them away, that they'd welcome me back the way they did.

[Really, between Loki's situation and Tim's "I can't imagine a world without crime where people hurt each other and prisons" thing...yikes. His people really are exceptionally kind, and he does feel a lot of sympathy for these people and their worlds where maybe they don't get to live with the kindness they should.]

But.

[He gestures with his open palm for emphasis, tilting his head.]

Look, I just met all of you guys, okay? It's one thing to talk to my people. They know what I've dealt with. They knew me growing up. And they've dealt with a lot of the same things.

Maybe we dealt with it differently but they at least get it. And they still had to learn to deal with it.

[Hugtime was instituted for a reason. Out of relief they were all alive and free. As a way of comforting each other. An affirmation of life and that the people around them finally wouldn't be stolen away anymore.]

[Their refusal to give up singing was another coping mechanism, too, an insistence on joy. They'd even kept doing it while trapped in the troll tree, before they were free.]

[They're different coping mechanism than the ones he used but they were coping mechanisms nonetheless. Because they'd still had to cope.]

Maybe some of you could understand a little but not perfectly. Not the way they can. So any talking about feelings and stuff can wait until I get home.

Especially since I'm not really getting the sense that a lot of you have to worry about the same things. I mean even aside from the Bergens and what happened in the past, there's constant potential predation. I can't even walk outside without having to worry about being carried off by a bird.

How many of you guys have to be on guard like that? All the time? Every single day of your lives?

[lowercase_el]

Sounds like work.

[bestbrotherever]

I would think you would be used to it. Fanfiction is hardly as interactive as holonovels.

[bestbrotherever]

You had better get used to it. Particularly come Christmas.