We got 99 problems (but Chaval aint one) -- Post-Quebec

[fromfryingpantofire]

[Sam had literally only just gotten back to the Pole when more things happened. Which is why, when the comm comes up, there's a large red-tailed hawk on the back of the chair behind him. The hawk turns her head, rearranging Sam's hair slightly.]

[Those that have met Eileen will probably know that it's a nervous gesture.]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Miguel beat me at rock, paper, scissors.

[And, really, it was probably going to be one of them that brought it.]

Dan, Miguel, and I went on a mission to Quebec. Chasing rumors of a demonic horse that was kidnapping kids. Supposedly to eat them, but it never got that far.

It's dealt with, now, but not before leaving a disturbing message.

[The comm switches over to a video, obviously taken of the creature's last moments, though he does cut off the end where it melts away.]

I also got Dan to translate, to the best of what I could pronounce, of what it had said before I thought to record it.

[The hawk's preening gets a little more aggressive for a moment as Sam starts flipping through the pages of his ever present notebook and starts reading.]

"You all should run. I'm the nicest thing that crossed through the cracks. They're coming." [A pause, glancing over the next bit.] "Too many cracks. Everything falling apart. Universes like...big ships on the ocean...crash together. Kuk enlists what comes over. He's recruiting the smartest ones. Smarter than me."

[Another pause, then a light bat at the hawk as she catches his ear. Which turns into petting her chest feathers for a moment before continuing.]

This last bit was in the recording, but I'll repeat Dan's translation for those of us who, like me, aren't Francophones. "Those coming through. You've already fought them in the Wilderlands. It's possible they'll remember you. Memory...funny thing, that. And they're not the only ones crossing."

[He sits back, picking up a pen to toy with it.]

We knew a bit of this. I think, though, that we didn't know the scope of it before now. I know some of you were in the Wilderlands. What sorts of things did you have to deal with?

Your honor, I'm not a cat

[fuckmimics]

[The person that shows up on screen clearly looks frustrated with the technology. Were it something purely mechanical, he'd be fine. He's good with mechanical things, his entire job is figuring out mechanisms and disarming them. But unfortunately, that doesn't exactly prepare him for the concept of navigating menus.]

[The yeti that gave him the comm and explained what it was, reaches over to help him, automatically trying to take it out of his hands to show him, like he's a child, and Chilchuck slaps her hand away on reflex, clearly annoyed she'd just go right in for the grab.]

I've got it! You explained the basics just fine!

[The yeti walks away grumbling something about ipad kids to her dog daemon and for all intents and purposes, it'd be easy to think Chilchuck was one. While his voice is a little deeper than someone would expect of a person his size, he's only 3'7," has a positively cherubic face, and the other yeti that helped him change in the infirmary put him in Minecraft pajamas. He has no idea of the context of the design, just that it's some weird abstract image of a monster.]

[(He doesn't know it, but he only just barely escaped the indignity of footie pajamas.)]

[Finally, Chilchuck figures out the comm. Mostly.]

[He accidentally puts a cat ear filter on himself, but mostly figures it out. When he sees the picture-in-picture of himself, it makes him instantly reach to see if he just triggered some kind of spell that grew actual cat ears, but finding none, he mutters to himself:]

Just a stupid illusion. [He rolls his eyes.]

Okay, I've been told that if I talk at this weird device other people here can talk back and give me answers.

He gets up and points it at the Pole at large and the obviously magical globe.]

My questions: What?! [He gestures at the general vicinity.] Where?!

[He gestures to himself.] Why?!

[Then, lips pressed together, extra annoyed, he gestures emphatically at a stoat sitting on a nearby table. The next question is the most strangled:]

How?!!